The trip had its share of highs and lows, and Ezra’s father, Clayton, had a front row seat. But he wasn’t just a spectator. Here’s what he learned.
A big mistake parents make, Clayton tells CNBC Make It, is telling kids what they can’t do. He remembers that Ezra once wanted to go to the NBA.
“I never told him this was impossible,” says Clayton. “I didn’t know it was impossible, but it seemed very difficult as an above-the-knee amputee to go to the NBA. But, you know, if they can set their own goals and then you could find a way to get behind it and support them, I think that’s the way out of this.”
Ezra, who grew up immersed in basketball as well as baseball, soccer, flag football, skateboarding, karate and surfing, eventually traded his NBA dreams for competing in the high jump, long jump and sprints at an international level.
He made his debut at the 2020 Tokyo Paralympics, but placed fifth in the T63 high jump, missing the podium.
It was frustrating for the up-and-coming athlete and “it was the worst night of my life as a parent to see your kids so devastated and disappointed in their own performance,” says Clayton. “And to do it publicly on the world stage is very difficult.”
Most kids will change their dreams a million times along the way, so you just have to bring some patience and grace to it.
Clayton Frech
Father of 18-year-old Paralympian Ezra Frech
“As a parent, when your kids succeed, it’s better than when you succeed yourself, but when they fail, it’s a lot worse than failing yourself,” says Clayton. “But I think reminding them of the journey, either the impact or the things they’re accomplishing” can help ease the sting of disappointment right now.
Clayton reminded his son of the work he has done as a disability advocate and ambassador for adaptive sports.
“It’s not really about the results,” says Clayton. “The results are great, but it’s really about impact and educating the world about the Paralympics and disability.”
One of the hardest things about raising a high-achieving kid like Ezra is balancing “being supportive but not putting too much pressure on him,” says Clayton.
Instead, he says it’s important to “let them set their own goals and don’t project your own personal goals” onto them.
The best parenting advice he learned while raising Ezra and his other two children is to “find ways to hang on to their dreams,” Clayton adds. Encourage new interests, no matter how big or small, without pushing too many expectations of how those hobbies will develop over time.
“That’s what we’ve tried to do as a family, just leave our kids and their dreams behind,” says Clayton, “whether it’s gardening, or a sport, or cleaning aquariums.
“Most kids will change their dreams a million times along the way,” she adds, “so you just have to bring some patience and grace to it.”
The key is to be flexible and help your child figure out how to set his own goals in his hobbies, says Clayton. “They will realize that sometimes their goals are difficult to achieve, and they will change goals, and that is completely natural.”
Outside of racing, Ezra is a motivational speaker and in 2013 created Angel City Sports and the Angel City Games, an annual multi-sport competition for athletes with disabilities. Ezra calls advocacy some of his most important work: “I love to inspire and normalize disability in any way I can.”
Most importantly, Clayton adds, “We’re trying to have fun and we’re trying to enjoy the ride, too. So if the medals don’t come exactly as planned, that’s okay.”
Watch the Paris Paralympics next summer on NBC and the Peacock.
Disclosure: CNBC parent NBCUniversal owns NBC Sports and NBC Olympics. NBC Olympics is the US broadcast rights holder for all Summer and Winter Games through 2032.
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