A conviction would have destroyed our professional careers and seriously damaged our family’s future. Agonizing months later, our case was dismissed and the charges dismissed. This betrayal led to family estrangement from the stepdaughters.
Our now 23-year-old son is doing well, and my wife, understandably, wants her offspring back in our lives. I have encouraged my wife to pursue reconciliation. I do not share this interest. (Regardless, neither does our son). My wife is pressuring me to join the dangerous journey of reconciliation with her daughters. I’d rather be keeled over.
Please share your thoughts on this possible mission impossible.
Disappointed: Alerting DCFS sets in motion a very serious set of conditions for your family. From your narrative, this option on your “hotline” seems extremely excessive. I wonder what else your stepdaughters may have seen or perceived that doesn’t fit your narrative, and if your son was taking risks that are actually more alarming than a teenager smoking pot. The only way to learn about their motivations and describe the impact on you and your family is to contact these women.
People sometimes issue false reports to DCFS in order to punish family members. This is a very serious issue as it tears families apart and also absorbs time and resources that could be better used to investigate real situations involving children at risk. I hope that in this case your adult stepdaughters were being exaggerated and naive about the impact of their choice.
It is good that you are encouraging your wife to reconcile with her daughters. she shouldn’t force you to join her right away, but I hope you’re open to a gradual thaw. Much of what happens next is based on the behavior of these women. they obviously owe you an apology and an understanding and honest account of the impact of what they set in motion.
Dear Amy: My oldest daughter is 15. She is a sweet girl, has friends and does very well in school. Her dad and I love and sympathize with her. She basically takes care of her clothes and her room, but about once a week I go into her room and basically straighten up. He knows I do this because — well, he sees the result when he gets home from band practice.
My question is about her diary. She usually lets it peek under her pillow and sometimes on top of her bed. Lately I’ve been reading her diary. I haven’t seen anything too alarming (or even too interesting), but I’m wondering if what I’m doing is wrong? My whole family reads your column and sometimes we talk about your questions and answers around the dinner table. I’m curious to know what you think of what I’m doing?
Mum: I think what you are doing is wrong. You too. how do i know You answer this moral question for yourself when you ask, “I wonder if what I’m doing is wrong?”
If your teenage daughter told you she overheard a friend or family member and asked, “I wonder if what I’m doing is wrong?” you would wisely reply, “If you wonder enough to ask this question, then I think you already know the answer. Take a step back, think about your actions and respect the privacy of others – just as you expect others to respect yours.”
The only justification for reading your teen’s diary is if you have credible evidence or an obvious concern that the teen may harm herself or someone else. Being curious about your daughter’s inner life is no excuse for prying eyes.
Dear Amy: “Priceless Flipper” wanted the wait staff to express their appreciation for their generous tips.
As someone who trained to be a waiter in five star restaurants, I should point out that courtesy and privacy are key elements in training and that you should not look at the tip until the customer has left the building to avoid prejudice, good or bad, whenever they return.
– I might take your order
Series: Thank you for imparting your wisdom.
© 2023 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.